Mak

“Don’t’ go and leave me, and please don’t drive me blind
Don’t go and leave me, and please don’t drive me blind…”

A line from Placebo’s Blind I’m listening to the whole day. Well, not really the whole day, but most of my free time for today. At first I related this song to someone I just lost, but then again, why would I ponder about someone who has left me? They never cared to stay. So why bother? I should care more about the ones who are here in my life, always available for me – for better or for worse, my friends, my family and God and the most important person, my Mother, whom I call Mak.

I just can’t imagine my life without her. What would I be? Who do I come back home to? With whom do I share my happy thoughts, happy news, bad news, my worst thoughts, my worries? I know it’s sinful to wonder too much about the future as much as it is sinful to linger in the past, but truthfully, without Mak, I would be half dead. She IS my other half. I just can’t imagine.

It would be surprising to some of you if I tell you that I became so close to Mak only two years back. It was all because of a huge relationship breakup I had, with my first love. You see, I’ve been through several relationships before the Huge Breakup, but none of them matched the one I broke 2 years ago. And that was when I knew that there was no one I could rely on fully, other than her. And I was right. Mak was surprisingly supportive. She listened attentively to everything I told her, she didn’t even laugh (or so I thought she would, because I thought that she would just consider me going through another episode of that ‘puppy love’ drama kids would face in their lives) and gave me the advices. Those advices she poured onto me; they were gold. To just hear her voice was enough sometimes. And her words became my cure. And to tell you the truth, she didn’t believe herself doing so too! She said, “I’ve never done this before with my other children, you know. Talking about things like this (relationships, heartbreaks) with you is something new to me”. I guess we (my brother and sisters) never knew Mak that well to trust her and share with her everything. Ironic, isn’t it?

The more I talk and open up to her, the more I feel confident with myself because I know I have her, always, for now. She would always give the best advice. The sort you (or, maybe it’s just me) are hungry of. She will ALWAYS bring me back to religion, to God, to being modest in my actions, my words, my thoughts. Maybe Mak knows me well enough to give all the advice. She knows too well that I’m not one of her very patient child – that’s for sure.

I guess all I can do is pray for her wellbeing and happiness and to have all the blessings from Allah and hope I will never do foolish things to ever hurt or disappoint her. To lose her is never an option in my life, but who am I to make such decisions? Even Mak is Allah’s, and He can take her away, just like He took Ayah, anytime He wants, whenever He wants, whether I like it or not, whether I’m ready or not. SubhanAllah.